Marriage and the Quad

Hello, my name is Jasper and I am a quad.  I have been married twice in my life.  My first marriage lasted 22 years.  So, I feel as though I know something about the matter.  But, I have never been married while being in a wheel chair.  I was wondering to myself, what would that be like.  I am sure all of the love, patience and all the other emotions are involved.  But, still I wonder what it would like.  It has to be something different.  I would imagine it would take sometime for me to get over the feeling of being inadequate.  For a man not being able to physically do things for his spouse.  It weighs heavy on his mind.  I believe as men, we are sort of trained as toddlers to be caring and nurturing towards our female counterparts.  When you are in a position where you can't physically touch your spouse or being able to protect her if need be somehow makes you feel a little less than a man.  So first, I believe for me I would have to get past that hurdle first.  Not being able to do physical things for your spouse is like when a woman looses all her hair or looses a breast to cancer.  It may not make a difference to her husband, but it is something that she has to mentally get past.   So, since this is something that I have never experienced for myself I would appreciate some feedback.

Thank you,
this is Jasper

What To Do When Negativity Sets In

Hello My name is Jasper and I'm a quad and just like anyone else we all have good days and bad days.  You ever have one of those mornings when you just didn't want to get out of bed and it's hard to get motivated and you feel like you're already running out of steam?  Well, imagine how that would be along with not being able to move and do for yourself.  I find that when I'm in that state of mind that's all it is - a state of mind.  It means I have to smile maybe a little longer, crack a joke or two, hold my head up and keep going!  As I've said many times, being a quad we can not afford to throw pity parties for ourselves.  We must always strive to press forward no matter what the obstacle is.  This can be done by getting involved and being concerned about someone else instead of yourself.  It's hard to think of yourself when you're giving yourself away to someone else.  This will help to bring you out of that negative state of mind.  Everyday is not the same for normal people so I know it's not going to be the same for me.  It's just something I have to learn to deal with and it's called life.  My name is Jasper and these are a few of my thoughts. 

Rough Morning For The SCI

My name is Jasper and I'm a quad.  I have a C4 Spinal Cord Injury and as any SCI therapist will tell you every SCI is different.  Lately, my blood pressure has been like a roller coaster - up today and down today.  This morning my sinus' have been going wild.  Every morning or every day may not be the same for an SCI.  But still I like to bare in mind that my injury could be worse.  So as best as I can I try to make my way through it.  This is again the attitude we must have in order to recover.  We can't afford to throw ourselves a pity party.  That will only make you feel worse.  Keep moving forward as best we can until things get better.  This is what we must do every day.  Sometimes I just get bored.  I have to find some way to amuse myself.  I ride in my chair up and down the hall, I speak to people - everyone, I may crack a joke to ease my boredom.  These are the things I do to make it through my day.  I try to participate in every activity.  I can remember when I didn't want to be bothered with an activity but then slowly I figured why not.  Now I love to participate in what's going on around me.   

Spiritual Hope

Hello my name is Jasper and I'm a quad.  I recently attended a church service in which they give prophecy over your life.  They pray for you collectively as well as individually.  They lay hands on you as being some transference of power.  As for me the Pastor felt in his spirit if my faith is strong enough I will one day walk out of this chair.  I've heard some really amazing things that people gave testimony to such as a woman walking after 35 years of not walking.  I've heard testimony of someone literally dying during the church service and they prayed for her collectively and she started breathing.  Now I don't know where you are spiritually or if you believe at all but I do believe that spiritual hope is a vital part of our recovery.  Spiritual hope to me is like that gambler who believes in his heart that the next role of the dice is going to be a winner and if you lose that than you may as well pack up and go home.  There have been all kinds of physical, mental and medical miracles in the world today.  Tell me how can a man climb a mountain if he's blind.  But it has been done.  Or how can a kid survive under water for over 45 minutes and still live.  Or someone being shot at point blank range and still live.  These my friend are called miracles.  Sometimes in spite what the Dr's may say, something will happen that the facts say should not have.  There in lies my hope.  I believe in a loving and caring God and if it be his will and if I do my part, I will stand up and walk out of this wheelchair one day.  My name is Jasper and these are my thoughts. 

We do matter

Hello, my name is Jasper and I am a quad.  Sometimes, in this condition we are in it may seem to us that life maybe passing us by whether you admit it or not.  Sometimes, we may get feelings that say we don't matter, but we do!  I found out a little more about how much I matter when I called a friend and she was very upset and distraught.  You see she is now a widow and she is still grieving for her husband.  I know she has all the skills and knowledge to cope with the problem, but we are human and sometimes we just get weak.  I was so glad that I was able to talk to her and as well as I know her I was able to talk to her and ease some of her pain.  The conversation I had with her I tried to be uplifting and encouraging and before we got off the phone she admitted she felt much better as she was glad that I called her.  She said that my phone call really helped her through the day.  So you see, even in our condition God puts us in a place where we can by most useful.  That's why I say we do matter!  We have the power still to ease someone's pain or to make someone's day.  The power to make someone laugh or to forget about the situation that they are in.  Yes, we do matter!  My name is Jasper and these are my thoughts!

Father's Day and the Quad

Father's Day brought such excitement to me I could hardly wait until it got here.  My brother invited the family to have a BBQ at his house and I didn't want anything to stop me from getting there.  It was a beautiful event.  My brother was happy to see me as was my daughter and my grandchildren.  It was an even more special event because my youngest daughter whom I don't see very often, 3 years as a matter a fact, was there.  One point I tried to make is that don't let the wheelchair or your circumstance stop you from enjoying any part of life.  Embrace each day as if it's father's day.  Stay close to your family if you can, cherish your friends and keep a good attitude.  I'll say it again, life doesn't stop just because your situation has changed.  Live your life with all the gusto you can.  Just a short note to encourage you to keep your chin up and keep pressing forward.  These are my thoughts, my name is Jasper.   

Obstacles Still Occur

Hello, my name is Jasper and I am a quad.  A dear friend of mine had invited me to his daughters wedding and he told me weeks in advance.  But would you know, about a day or two before the wedding we both learned there were no ramps to get into the church.  Well the thought of not going never entered my mind.  He is a dear friend and our families grew up together.  I knew when his daughter was born and there was no way I was going to miss this wedding.  God is good all the time, even though I did not get inside the church my attitude about it was good and I found an ideal spot right at the entrance.  I saw everyone go in and I was able to see many faces I hadn't seen in years.  I was glad to see them as they were glad to see me.  It was a beautiful day and I was very comfortable under the huge shade tree at the entrance.  I even had another dear friend come to the wedding and he chose to stand outside with me the entire time and we laughed and talked and greeted people.  What I'm trying to say is negative things still happen in our lives but if you just be patient and keep a good attitude it could still turn around in your favor.  I sent the nurse who was with me inside a few times to view the wedding and she took pictures.  So even though I didn't get in the church I had a wonderful time just being there.  Don't allow your attitude, your outlook or your view of life spoil your day.  Look up and look around.  God has created a beautiful day.  Rejoice and be glad in it.  My name is Jasper and these are my thoughts.